Railway Tales
C. W. Cundy and Pauline Wilton (1918)
I'm unhappy, so I am, I can't enjoy me beef nor jam,
And I'm grumpy and as 'umpy as a camel,
Bin an' stopped my leave, Oh ho! what were fixed up long ago
The trouble is I've got it and I feel afeared to go,
And its all along a tin o' green enamel.
Now fancy spendin' New Year's Eve when you ought to be on leave,
In a dug-out where the damp is slowly tricklin',
All along a tin o' green and a sniper lank and lean
'Oo was swearin' and a straffin' and a snippin' in between
'Til the sergeant told me off to stop 'is ticklin'.
So I trimmed myself in straw, with a grass and 'ay couffure
And I clothed myself in faggots wot a pal 'ad,
And the sergeant took a brush and some green and sticky slush
And 'e painted me all over till I couldn't raise a blush
And I looked just like a vegetable salad.
So I crep't out in the night and I waited for the light,
But the sniper saw me fust and scored an inner;
I 'eard the twigs divide but I signalled 'im a wide
And I squinted down me barrel and I let me finger slide,
And I pipped 'im where 'e used to keep 'is dinner.
Yus, I busted up the Bosh but I found out at the wash,
That enamel' was a fast and lastin' colour,
And the soap I used to clean, made me shine a brighter green,
I'm a cabbage, I'm a lettuce, I'm a walkin' kidney-bean,
And I ain't a leavin' Flanders till its duller.
The end