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THE COLONEL'S CAT
by
Stanley C. West

Old Colonel Grant of 12th Hussars
Was one of quite the best, sir
He’d medals and bars and lots of stars
All hanging round ‘is chest, sir
‘E ‘ad but one real chum, and that
Was one old wall-eyed tabby cat.

I served with Grant in the Soudan
And crushed the Alabamas
And there one night to me ‘e ran
In tears and ‘is pyjamas
And to my dyin’ day I shan’t
Forget the face of General Grant.

When in my tent ‘e first appeared
‘E cried so loud and lusty
The tears went splashing down ‘is beard
And made ‘is medals rusty
“Oh James, “ he cried (‘e called me that.)
“I’ve been and lost my bloomin’ cat!”

“That wall-eyed cat,” said poor old Grant
“I loved it like a brother.”
“Cheer up,” said I, “Dear Colonel, can’t
You go and buy another?”
But Colonel Grant did not agree
‘E drew ‘is sword and fired at me.

“Sound, Bugler, sound,” I ‘eard ‘im shout
And out the regiment tumbled
The mounted band came prancing out
The cannon clanked and rumbled
‘E told the men ‘is catty fears
And ev’ry man burst into tears.

“I see your cat, oh , Colonel dear”
Thus spake a tiny drummer
“She won’t come back no more, I fear.”
The Colonel’s face grew glummer
“I see ‘er” said the frightened kid,
“A-climbing up the Pyramid.”

With one loud cry the regiment did
With Colonel all go flying
And ‘alf way up that Pyramid
They see the poor cat crying
“Come “ said the Colonel, “We’re in time.”
And guns and band commenced to climb.

A gallant sight - all calling “Puss”
The regiment climbed with will, sir,
But ‘stead of comin’ down to us
The puss climbed ‘igher still, sir,
“Oh stay sweet puss,” we did implore
But pussy miowed, “Excelsior.”

Then Sergeant Bugg, who played the ’orn
Said, “Colonel, beg your pardon
Bur I’ve ‘eard say that no cat will scorn
A tune on the Bombardon
Now, bandman Pipp can play it grand
With some assistance from the band.”

“Play on,” the Colonel cried in glee
And Pipp ‘e started playin’
‘E played ‘The Children’s ‘Ome’ in G
But still that cat went strayin’
Before old Bandsman Pipp could stop
That blasted cat was on the top.

Then George de Smythe, our Adjutant
Cried out with voice arestin’
“Who’s got some cats-meat, Colonel Grant?”
(I had some in my mess-tin)
I said so. “Give it me” he cried
And to the meat some string ‘e tied.

Unto our twelve pound gun ‘e run
With meat late druv by cabby
And bade the gunner lay the gun
Right on to poor old tabby
Then rammed the meat and cartridge in
And bade the gunner light the pin.

Bang! flew the meat with deadly whack
At pussy’s feet it landed
Then by the string we ’auled it back
As brave de Smythe commanded
And very soon, sir, and no mistake
That feline followed in it’s wake.

Soon in the arms of Colonel Grant
That wayward cat was sobbin’
And cheers for our brave Adjutant
The desert air set throbbin’
Then Cavalry, the Band and Guns
Went home to lemonade and buns.

 
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