Railway Tales
At Buckingham Palace, in London,
Where King and his Missus hang out,
Young Albert the Engineer went for a do.
There was champagne and oysters and stout.

Now Albert, he was a hero,
And many a brave deed had done;
With his stick with the horse's head handle,
The Battle of Dunkirk he'd won.

The ship which bore Albert to glory
Was His Majesty's trawler, Lord Grey,
And over the ocean he steamed in her
A-knocking and pulsing her way.

And sometimes the engines would falter
And steamboat would stop with a bump
But with horse's head handle he'd fix it
And muck up the leave, like a chump.

When Winston got wind of his actions
At Zeebrugge, Dunkirk and Bordeaux,
He asked that t'King, as a favour,
A medal on Albert bestow.

When the King saw young Albert at Palace,
To the Queen he turned round and said: `Lass,
Yon must be young Albert what's winning t'war,
Put the lad some champagne in a glass.'

As the King was the medal about to bestow
With gesture both noble and great,
Young Albert, with stick held tight in his hand,
Said, `Thanks King. Meet Murdo the mate.'

As Mate told t'King the full story
Of how Albert was winning the war,
Young Albert was winking at Lady Ramsbottom,
What he'd met at t'King's Head before.

On Albert's chest dangles a medal
All shiny and gradely and new
Which he wears on his suit with gold badges
From Fleming's at two pounds two.

And now when he visits the King's Head,
Where once he'd partake of a stout,
He gets Guinness and potted meat sandwiches
And pasties and trotters for nowt.
The end