AUXILIARY SAM AT
PICKING-UP DRILL
by
W. Montague Everitt
'Twas Picking-up Drill at the Station :
Instructor spread mat out on floor
And, laying himself horizontal,
He bellowed at Sam with a roar,

"Now pick me up, Sam—got a move on!...
"By raising me first to me knees.
"I only go fourteen-stone-seven 
"When weighed in me thems and me these.''

But Sam looked at Bloke on the floor
And, shaking his head, he said, "Nay,
Th' laid th'self down so th' picks th'self up,
T'otherwise th' remains where th' lay."

This made the Instructor so angry
The language he used was first rate :
He called Sam the Son of a Clove-hitch...
And Sam answered, "Figure-of-eight!"

The Super tried artful persuasion... 
Said, "Pick him up, Sam, then go home 
And, if th' will do as I ask thee,
I'll let thee blow bubbles with Foam." 

But Sam would not pick up Instructor; 
Instructor would not rise alone: 
So Super goes into the Watchroom 
And sends for D.O.s on the phone.

But Sam is determined as ever : 
Instructor, he feels that way too. 
While one D.O.'s red in his anger 
The other is turning pale blue. 

Then up came the C.O. himself, lads, 
With acorns all over his hat ; 
He swore he'd have Sam on the carpet 
For leaving Instructor on mat,

Believe it or not as you will, lads. 
Instructor is there to this day; 
Of course, he's got shoved into corner. 
T'otherwise he's about where he lay. 

A Barman looks after Instructor; 
He feeds him and keeps him quite clean...
Well, he's got nothing else to attend to 
Since they shut up the ruddy canteen.

They're thinking of moving Fire Station 
'Course Chief thinks it bit of a bore 
To have to step over Instructor 
Each time he goes out of the door. 

Now, if you will do me a favour, 
You'll not spread this story around 
For, such disobeying of orders, 
Instructors can't take-lying down.
The end