ALBERT GOES TO A RAVE
(Submitted by Graffiti Poet)
There's a famous hippy festival called Glastonbury
Noted for fresh air and fun,
And Mr & Mrs Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.
A grand little punk was young Albert
All dressed in his best quite a swell,
He had some skunk that he couldn't quite handle
The finest the dealers could sell.
He didn't think much to the Craft field
The crowds was all fiddling and small,
They were relaxed and mellow and grounded
In fact nothing to freak out at at all.
So seeking further amusement
He took an E and went to a rave,
Where everyone sweated profusely
And said 'wicked' and 'sorted' and 'safe.
There was one great big DJ called Wallace
Who played Techno and Jungle and Rap
And everyone thought it was groovy,
Except Albert who thought it was crap.
So straight way brave little fella
Not showing a morsel of fear,
Toked on the Skunk he couldn't quite handle
and shouted in Wallace's ear.
My name is Albert Ramsbottom
And I'm just down for the day,
I was wondering if you could play some Temptations
Four Tops or Marvin Gaye.
You could see the DJ didn't like the idea
For giving a kind of a grin,
He put on some ultra hard Techno Jungle
Which did the little lad in.
Now Pa who had seen the occurrence
And didn't know what to do next,
Said Ma, yon DJ's freaked out our Albert
And Ma said Eee I am vexed.
Then Mr. & Mrs. Ramsbottom
Quite rightly when all's said and done,
Complained to the rave organiser
That the DJ had freaked out their son.
Now Ma had turned a bit awkward
When she thought how her son's mind had gone,
She said someone's got to be summoned
So that were decided upon.
So off they went to the Healing Field
Where the wise woman was hanging about,
And they explained what had happened to Albert
About the DJ and freaking him out.
The wise woman gave her opinion
That the Techno was really to blame,
What with the E and the skunk he had had
It had scrambled the little lads brain.
So she gave him a joint of her homegrown
She made him lie down in a field,
And she put on a Van Morrison tape
And soon young Albert was healed.
At that Ma got proper grateful
And thank you Miss kindly said she,
Then she had a quick toke on the homegrown
And they all went off home for their tea.