ALBERT GOES TO WESTON-SUPER-MARE
There's a famous seaside place called Weston
that is noted the most for it's mud,
where the Ramsbottoms took their son Albert
'cause a change from t'Blackpool was good.
As the train pulled up into the station
Albert asked Dad, 'What's t'do',
Dad said everythings same as in Blackpool
except for the tower and zoo.
Mother said she were right glad to hear it
because animals were dangerous when near,
like that lion as had once eaten Albert
when he poked a big stick in it's ear.
They took up some lodgings on seafront
and though Albert were anxious t' play,
Dad first had to settle the tally
t'were a tenner, per person, per day.
Their room had a view of the ocean
but all they could see was the mud,
and the pier they had heard which had burnt down
well at least all the bits that were wood.
Ma had read how a fire in a chip pan
had sent the old pier up in smoke,
Dad hoped the new one, was free to get on
as he didn't want ending up broke.
On the way to the beach they went shopping
in Woollies they gave Albert a pound
for a bucket and spade with an 'andle
and a postcard o' pier burnin' down.
Dad suggested they go on the big wheel
'It's the best view of pier we will get',
Mother looked up and then added
aye, 'appen we will, but not yet.
Mother and Father hired deck-chairs
for kipping whilst young Albert played.
Albert asked a ride on the Donkeys
and father reluctantly paid.
Dad tied up some knots in his hankie
rolled up his pants to his shin,
'I'll just take a dip in t'water, he said
then go t' the pier and go in.'
The sun and the sea air worked wonders
soon Mother and Dad were asleep,
but Albert still keen t' see pier
set off on his own for a peep.
The entrance was just like the old one
selling donuts and portions of chips,
Albert's walk to the end was a long one
but he hoped to see Mermaids and ships.
When Albert went in out the sunshine
his eyes took a while to adjust,
to the lights by the million sparkling
and the sound of the bank being bust.
He saw fountains of Gold and of Silver
fortunes being won and then lost,
Albert wanted to go on all of the rides
but Dad would go mad at the cost.
From inside the Ghost Train came screaming
and though Albert's a brave little lad,
he decided he'd wait for his parents
then go on that ride with his Dad.
The dodgems and race cars were zooming
round a track that went up in the air,
Albert thought when me Father awakens
I'll get him to take me on there.
Albert jumped when a voice from behind him
said 'There you are Albert me lad,
you can't wander off, in case you get lost'
Albert turned round, it was Dad.
'Your Mother's been wondering were you are
I told her you might be on here,
before we go back, let's see Captain Jack
and 'appen I'll have a quick beer'.
A pirate stood guard at the entrance
Dad said it were Blackbeard he thowt,
he bought a large beer, clipped Albert round ear
and for wandering off he got nowt.
In the bar, on a perch in the corner
was a parrot with feathers of green,
there was nothing it's like back in Bacup
t'was the strangest bird Albert had seen.
Whilst Father sat drinking his beer
and chattin to someone from Stoke,
Albert went up to the Parrot
and was proper surprised when it spoke.
“Well shiver me timbers,
bat bat my eyes,
young Albert Ramsbottom
how nice a surprise.
My name's Pollyanna
I too speak in rhyme,
I'm so pleased to meet you
the pleasure is mine.”
Now Albert was mightily flummoxed
and could only say, 'How do you do?
I'm Albert what's famous for lions
as was eaten one time at the zoo'.
'My Dad's over there and he'll tell you
a rhyme of the time I near died,
when he took me to visit a lion
and I ended up in it's inside.
Albert went back to see Father
said 'that parrot over there, it can talk'.
Dad said that's absurd, it's only a bird
and all they can do is to squawk.
Albert knew that he hadn't been dreaming
he swore he'd come back every year,
for the chance to speak rhyme with a Parrot
who lives on the worlds greatest pier.