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ALBERT VISITS WESTON-SUPER-MARE
Anon
(Submitted by 'Graffiti Poet')

There's this famous seaside place they call Weston
that's noted for - well not a lot,
and to there from Blackpool, the Ramsbottoms went
with young Albert, their son, get the plot?.

Since Wallace the LIon coughed up Albert
his parents, lest he should forget,
binned his stick with the Horses head handle
and gave him a large fishin net.

Now there's not much to do when in Weston
as the Ramsbottoms found to their cost,
Tropicana were closed, 'cos the water weren't clear
and the sea, it appeared, had got lost.

They'd about had their fill of amusements
and on Bingo they'd blown next weeks rent,
so thinkin they'd pass on a peaceful two hours
they paid - and to Sea World they went.

Now for those who have not heard of Weston
and think that "Sea World" there is odd,
it doesn't contain killer Sharks and White Whales
it's mostly Plaice, Haddock and Cod.

Now Albert were quite disappointed
for a Lions inside he'd explored,
and seeing these fish swimmin round open mouthed
made him say "Let's go home Mum, I'm bored".

Well just then this great King-sized Haddock
called Fred, so it said in brochures,
put his face to the glass where young Albert were stood
and mouthed in fish language "Up yours".

Now Albert had heard about Haddock
and not thinking that they posed a threat,
leaned over the tank and with one mighty plunge
ensnared poor old Fred with his net.

Now haddocks are nothing like Lions
but when roused can be vicious and wild,
and that's when young Albert were swallowed again
but this time by a fish - stupid child.

Ma and Pa, who had watched the occurance
stood there, opened mouthed looking blank,
'til Pa shouted out in a tremulous voice
"My Son's in that fish, in that tank".

Now Haddocks are protected as species
so it needed an urgent phone call,
to bring on the scene the Environment Chief
on his bike, straight from Weston Town Hall.

He came and he stared straight at t'haddock
who was just taking one final munch,
saying "Here's fifty quid, that's what we now pay
for providing that fish with his lunch".

Ma and Pa then went back to play Bingo
quite happy with this compromise,
whilst the Haddock, with Albert expanding it's girth
had now grown to a gigantic size.

The tank that had housed him was now far too small
so in order to sidestep complaint,
they dug him this pit on the 'prom' - just next door
the purchased some Black and White paint.

So now if you're ever in Weston
and walk on the prom you can't fail,
to see in his pool, in pristine Black and White
star attraction - yes 'Fred - Killer Whale".

 
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