ALBERT GETS ENGAGED
Mr & Mrs Ramsbottom
were sitting down 'avin their tea
When a knock at the door interrupted,
Ma wondered just who could it be.
"You'd better get up and go answer,
it's very near freezing outside"
He opened the door, it were Albert,
a pretty young girl by his side.
"'Ere mother," he said "it's our Albert,
with someone he'd like us t' meet.
Hang your coats on the hook in the hallway,
and Albert, remember your feet."
Albert introduced mother to Mavis
and said, "Mavis meet Eddie me dad."
As Mother and Mavis were hugging,
dad gave a thumbs up to his lad.
"Forgive me my hair up in curlers,
I must look quite shocking, my dear.'
Our Albert's forgettin' his manners."
then clipped him quite hard round the ear.
She invited them through to the parlour,
the room that mum liked to call best,
"You'd better go up and get dressed, dad,
you can't sit around in your vest."
They all settled down on the sofa,
Mavis showed mother the ring
"There's a tin on the shelf in the pantry,"
mother asked Albert to bring.
Out came a tin of old photo's,
that mother stored safe on the shelf
Gave them tea in her very best China,
but the chip cup she kept for herself.
Father came down in his best suit,
"Everyone, look what I've found,
It's the stick with the 'orses 'ead 'andle,
as Woollies once sold for a pound."
He went on to tell of a story,
'bout the time they thought Albert were dead,
When lion at the zoo went an ate him,
'coz he gave it a poke in the 'ead.
"I was just getting paid on the divi'
sayin I'd nowt left but Albert's flat cap
When Albert showed up at the window,
and scared off the insurance chap.
The stories of Albert continued,
they often made Albert go red
But worst was the trip up to Blackpool,
and the stick with the bleedin' 'orse 'ead.
He remembered a lion called Wallace,
he remembered being down in it's tum
He remembered it coughed and he shot out,
and that's when he went home to mum.
It was one of those really quite strange things,
that sort of just happened back then,
"It taught me a very good lesson,
not to poke lions, again."
Albert said it was time they were leavin',
they'd got t'other parents to see.
Mavis kissed her new mother on both cheeks,
and thanked her most kindly for tea.
Dad filled up some glasses with sherry
and urged they all join in a toast
"Good luck to both Albert and Mavis...
but good luck to Mavis the most!"