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Further Adventures
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ALBERT GOES SLEDGING
by
Graffiti Poet

Mr & Mrs Ramsbottom
loved Albert their troublesome son,
but he drove his Dad mad, with the troubles he had
and was sure to be death of his Mum.

They all went up Pendle one Christmas
t'were covered a foot deep in snow,
Albert was keen, 'cause he'd never been
but Mother weren't anxious t' go.

Mother gave Albert two jumpers
stuck a Burnley hat tight on his head,
“You have to keep warm, so you come to no harm”
she didn't want Albert froze dead.

With two pairs of socks then his warm duffel coat
still Mother was searching for more,
Dad said “That's enough, if he wears much more stuff
the poor lad won't fit through the door”.

Father picked up some coal and a carrot
"A snowmans a must" he declared,
“The bigger the better, in this sort of weather”
no wonder that Mother looked scared.

They got on the bus into Sabden
the place where the Witches come from,
“Son, don't be afraid” said Dad as he paid
“I assure you young fella they're gone”.

The shop on the corner sold sledges
they cost more than Dad could afford,
“I'm sorry to say, we can't buy you a sleigh,
you will have to slide down on a board”.

Ma suggested they call at the cafe
“A hot drink will do us all good”,
Dad said “When I pay, I'll borrow a tray”
and the owner said yes that he could.

They finally got to the hill top
'Oh what have we done,' said his Mum.
Dad said "It's all right, if Albert holds tight
the young fella's bound t' have fun."

When Albert was comfortably seated
on the tray that had come from the cafe,
he called to his Mum, "Come watch me 'ave fun"
and Father joined in with a laugh.

Father gently pushed Albert for starters
and at first he set off kinda slow,
but a tray made of tin, could a bob-sleigh race win
coz it doesn't get traction on snow.

"Giddy up, giddy up" shouted Albert
oblivious to danger and fear,
Mum said "You big clot, you haven't taught him to stop"
then she clipped Albert's Dad round the ear.

By the time he got down near the bottom
Albert was going as fast as a train,
then he hit a snow drift, which gave him uplift
and Albert took off like a plane.

At the foot of the hill there's a cottage
that once Mother Demdyke called home,
with tumbled down walls and no roof at all
just a chimney stack standing alone.

Albert landed head down in the chimney
thank goodness he couldn't smell smoke,
Dad said "Look at that, Ma's made him so fat
he's suck like a pig in a poke."

When Albert was finally rescued
Mother was heard to tell Dad,
"Next time what we'll do, we'll take him t' zoo
it's bound t' be safer for lad."
 
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