( Blackpool Tower gets a lick of gold paint for its centenary... )
John Bilsborough
That famous seaside place called Blackpool
Is still noted for fresh air and fun.
Every year there's a meeting of't Council,
Deciding what has to be done.
So, one day they had Grand Special Meeting,
'Cos they'd done all the year-end accounts
And they found they'd a few bob left over -
It weren't a breath-taking amount,
But enough for a bottle of Brasso,
For't mayor's chain, and some bulbs for the Lights,
And an advert in't evening paper:
"Wanted - painters with good head for heights.
Paint provided, and payment per so much,
Per square foot per person, per hour,
Times altitude (angle plus distance),
Apply, Monday morning, at Tower."
It were Great Uncle Jack got the job, like,
And Harry, who said, with a frown:
"Right, where are we going to start, then?"
"Start at top" says Jack, "work us way down."
"No" says Harry, "I'll start at the bottom,
And paint uppards, and you go to't top
And paint downwards, or t'other way round, like,
Then we'll meet in the middle and stop.
Or we both start at bottom and take a side each,
And we'll paint up to't sharp end, and then,
We can stop for us dinner and move onto't next,
We can paint all't way back down again.
Or we could do from't bottom to't middle...
Why're you looking like that?" "Well, you see...
if we're going to get on," says me Great Uncle Jack,
You'd best leave Foreward Planning to me."
Meanwhile, down the prom came three figures,
Mister, Mrs, and grand little lad.
"It isn't the same without lions" says Albert.
"Aye, good job an' all" says his dad.
"Yon Big Dipper" says Mister Ramsbottom,
"Has earned universal renown".
"Be nice when it's finished," said Mother,
"And they've taken all't scaffolding down."
"And yon Tower", said Mister Ramsbottom,
Is a hundred years old, the man said...
So it's getting a coat of paint..." "Well, then,
You could happen do't same to our shed."
So, they walked along Prom, for the ozone,
Meanwhile, high up, above all the crush,
There was Harry and Great Uncle Jack, starting work,
"Hey, just watch where you're shaking that brush."
"I think it might rain," said young Albert,
"I just felt a splot on me hat."
"More likely a seagull" said Father,
"Some folk say it's lucky, is that."
They were going back home on the charra,
And young Albert, he takes off his cap,
And his dad says "by Gum. Well, I never.
Well, you are a right lucky young chap."
You've heard of the goose laying golden eggs?... well,
Though they might not have lions at zoo,
It's worth a day-trip up to Blackpool,
Just to see what the seagulls can do.
The end