Norman Long

Now, there's things what makes yer angry
And there's things what makes yer larf
Like the time I was in our local
Knockin' back a 'arf.
The barmaid says', "You look fed up!"
I says, "Yes, and so would you!"
'Cos there's capers I don't 'old with
And I'll tell yer one or two.

Now what about this yankee game
Of puttin' beer in tins
Now there's a funny lark...
Don't 'old with it.
When I leans up against the bar
With a tankard in me 'and
Well, that's alright... but fancy,
When you start off drinkin' canned.
Waitin' for a tin-opener
In a queue and gettin' cursed
The bloke before you drops it
An' 'e's gotta find it first...
  By the time 'e gets 'is top off
Why... I might have died of thirst!
Besides, those tins'll cut yer mouth...
Don't 'old with it.

And look at this 'ere make-up
The girls put on their dials
Mucky, dirty stuff...
Don't 'old with it.
Pluckin' all their eyebrows out
And squealin' with the pain
Then draws 'em with a pencil
Just to shove 'em back again.
Puffs an' paints an' powder
Littered all around the place.
Smearin' lip-stick on their lips
I calls it a disgrace.
A bloke gets 'ome an' 'is missus says
"Oy! what's that on yer face?"
Blinkin' stuff comes orf...
Don't 'old with it.

And there's another barney
I don't 'old with anyhow
These are 'easy payments'
What they tempts a chap with now.
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