And if I might make a suggestion
A dickie's all right in it's place,
That wouldn't have done for the Duke, sir
It would never have done for his Grace."

Now, Jones found it hard to forget his old tricks
Made lots of faux pas and dropped several bricks,
It took quite a time to convince him, for one
That the cracking of nuts in the door isn't done.
Well, once he called Jenkins by shouting out, "Oih!"
And Jenkins replied, with a glint in his eye...
"It wouldn't have done for the Duke, sir
It would never have done for his Grace.
The sweet course at luncheon, sir, if you don't mind
Is never called 'afters'... it isn't refined.
And if I might make a suggestion
A fork as a toothpick's, not nice
That wouldn't have done for the Duke, sir
It would never have done for his Grace."

But Jones set his teeth and continued to try
To ignore the displeasure from Jenkins's eye
Cut out pickled onions and endevoured to learn
To avoid blowing froth from his glass of 'Sautern'
But Jenkins at last dealt the finishing blow
With, "I fear, sir, that I... or the Mistress must go!"

  "She wouldn't have done for the Duke, sir
She would never have done for his Grace.
I've bore with her weakness for ringing up earls
But the bath, sir, is hardly the place to wear pearls...
And if I might make a suggestion
Her lipstick comes off on ones face...
That wouldn't have done for the Duke, sir
It would never have done for his Grace."


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