ALBERT AND THE
SAFETY INSPECTOR

by
Paul Wilkinson


There's a famous can factory in England,
That's noted for beer cans and ends.
And old Albert Ramsbottom worked there,
Respected and liked by 'is friends.

'Is job were to drive the big forklift,
It were painted bright yellow and black.
It weighed twenty tonne, fully laden
And 'ad two, big gas bottles on t' back.

Now Albert knew all about fork trucks,
'E'd been drivin' 'em thirty odd years.
And 'e knew if he didn't drive careful,
That 'someone' would end up in tears!

  'Cos' forklifts, unlike other motors,
Travel backwards when hauling a load.
And t'driver looks over 'is shoulder,
When travellin' up 'n' dahn road.

So Albert, would look... an' 'e'd listen...
As 'e drove round the factory with care.
And sometimes he'd give a short toot on 'is 'orn,
Just to let people know 'e were there.

Well, one day 'e received a directive,
From the 'Ealth and the Safety brigade,
Saying 'ow 'e were doin' things wrong, like...
And some changes would 'ave to be made.

'You'll need a 'ard 'at, with a peak on.
In case summat should fall on yer 'ead.
Plus earplugs and goggles and a bright yellow jacket
So no-one gets injured.' it said.

'And we notice you're built on a flood plain,
So one day you may find your fork'll
Get stuck in the water... so we think you oughter
Wear flippers, a mask and a snorkel!'

So, suitably dressed to do battle,
Albert climbed up on 'is truck.

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