Paul Wilkinson
Owld Sam were inna bit of a 'urry
By 'eck!... and 'e didn't 'alf cuss,
'E'd been playin' 'crib', for a penny a point
And didn't 'ave farthing for bus.

'Inspection tomorrow... ' sarge'd told 'em,
'So back 'ere... no later than nine
And there's two tonne of 'taters for stragglers
So make sure you're back 'ere on time!'

Well, Sam fairly flew across cobbles,
'Twere already a quarter past eight,
When he heard a familiar voice holler,
'Ere!... 'ang on there, Sam, me owld mate!'

'E turned to find George, King of England,
In a carriage and 'orse... wi' 'is wife.
'Look... I can't stop to natter,' Sam muttered
'Else I'm peeling potatoes for life!'

'Aye, we know all about t' inspection...
It's us what's inspectin', owld mate,
'Ere jump up in carriage beside us...
And we'll drop you off, outside t'gate.'

'By gum!' said our Sam when he'd settled
But summat smells gradely, up 'ere!'
'Aye,' said the King, we were peckish
So bought ourselves fish, chips an' beer.'

'Are yer 'ungry, our Sam?' the Queen asked 'im,
'As she started removin' 'er gloves
Then daintily unwrappin' 'The Mirror'
Said, ''Ere... 'ave a chip, me owld luv!'

Sam sat with a big chunk of 'addock,
By 'eck... and 'e felt a reet toff,
'Til the carriage bounced over a pot'ole
And a big piece o' batter dropped off!

'Ooh, Sam!,' said t'Queen, 'look... you've lost it!'
'Don't worry, I see it!' 'e said.
But as 'e bent down... the 'orse it broke wind
And blew 'is cap, right off 'is 'ead!

By gum!... but it weren't 'alf a cracker,
It echoed round t'street, wall to wall
And the smell, well!... it fair turned Sam's stomach
'E didn't feel too well, at all!

'Oh, Sam!' said the Queen, 'I'm so sorry!!!'
Her voice shook with shock and remorse.
'No problem at all...' Sam said, gaspin',
'To be 'onest... I thought it were t' 'orse!'
The end