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Parodies
 
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THE GREEN TIE FOR THE LITTLE YELLOW DOG
by
Scott Dobson and Dick Irwin

There's a bow-legged, knock-kneed bus stop to the north of Jarrow Slacks
There's a social club that nestles in the town
There's a broken hearted barmaid shedding salt tears in her beer
As the one-arm bandit sadly gazes down.

She was known as Crafty Lil, cos she fiddled with the till
She was faster than the Steward dared to tell
From South Shields to Derwent Haugh she was worshipped by the staff
And the Concert Chairman fancied her as well.

His name was Jacky Graham and one night he set her home
As hand in hand they wandered through the fog
He said "What can I give you, to prove my love is true?"
She says "A green tie for me little yellow dog."

From Red Row to Percy Main, Jacky Graham searched in vain
But a green tie he couldn't find in Geordieland
He was even known to ramble through the Co-op Stores in Amble
And he searched in every pawn shop in the land.

One night, out on the beer, he has this bright idea
"I'll take an air flight to Belfast,
They'll have green ties over there and there's maybe one to spare,
And me problem will be sorted out at last."

So he takes this plane to Belfast and goes straight into a shop
He says "I want a green tie and I don't care how dear"
But the feller serving on, handed him a petrol bomb
Saying "Get out! There's only orange ones in here!"

So, on the return flight with his trousers well alight
He was thinking on exactly what to do
It looked grim for poor old Jack, his future it looked black
And his backside was badly blistered too.

So he got back home to Jarrow, his last hope was his old marro'
"Have you got a green tie in the house?" he says to Dan
"Well, green's unlucky, you silly bugger" Jack says "You're telling me!,
And I've got the scars to prove it, Canny man."

It comes the Sunday night, no Concert Chairman was in sight
The entertainment at the club was just a flop
The Secretary, Mr Lauder had to call out "Best of order"
When the bingo-caller suddenly shouts out "Stop!"

"I've just been round the back and there was poor old Jack,
He was lying in the netty like a log,
His pint was on the ground and round his neck was wound,
A green tie for the little yellow dog."

There's a bow-legged, knock-kneed bus stop to the north of Jarrow Slacks
There's a broken-hearted barmaid sippin' Brown
There's a poor old yellow dog still waiting for his tie
As the one-arm bandit sadly gazes down.

 
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