Two days out of Landsend it 'appened:
A periscope 'ove into view,
And up came a boat with no name on its bow,
Just three numbers preceded by U.

They took everyone off on a lifeboat
And put them aboard of the sub,
And then got things ready, torpedo and all
To take a pot shot at the tub.

But as they stood by for the signal
The voice of a sailor cried, "Wait!...
We've got to do something about this 'ere lad
E's just bit an ear oft the mate."

The captain on hearing this, shouted,
"Vas Machst Du, mein billige Frau?"
Which is merely a foreign expression
Calculated to quiet a row.

The sailor just stood and saluted
"Come, come, lad," the chief loudly roared,
"It's this kid," said the sailor, " 'e's ruined the mate,
And 'e's chased all the crew overboard."

"Warum?" cried the captain, "It's no time to play,
Get the torpedo ready... act smart!"
Said the sailor, "We can't get it ready because
'E's took the torpedo apart.

"And now 'e's below with a hammer and wrench,
Puttin' all the machines on the blink,
'E's opened the bungholes and turned on the valves
If we aren't very careful, we'll sink."

"That's torn it," the submarine captain exclaimed,
"This 'ere is a pretty to-do;
'0o's this lad?" 'e inquired, and the sailor replied,
"It's 'Erbert Pinwinkle... that's 'oo."

"Curse the luck," said the skipper, in guttural tones,
"It looks like we're properly tricked.
Of all of the boats on the ocean today,
'E'd be on the one that I picked.

"Put 'im back on the boat, we'll fix up 'er leaks
And see that 'er boilers is trim
If 'e promises 'e'll sail, right on to New York
That's all we'll be askin' of 'im.

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