'ERBERT GOES TO THE RACES
by
Paul Gerard Smith


  One morning, Mother said, "Father,
You must get rid of 'Erb for the day,
If I 'ave 'im round me for five minutes more
I'm afraid that my mind will give way."

"But where will I take 'im?" said Father.
"Wot will I do with the kid?
All over town the police 'ave put signs
'Dogs and 'Erbert is strictly forbid.' "

Then chancing to glance through the paper,
Mother said, "I think I've found a way.
You can bundle 'im off to the race track,
They are running the Derby today.

"Let 'im play round with the 'orses
And pick out a 'orse that can kick,
Buy 'im a 'amburger sandwich
One of them ought to settle 'im quick."

So Father took 'Erb to the race track
With a 'eart that was 'eavy as stone,
And all the way down 'e kept figuring out
'Ow to lose 'im and come 'ome alone.
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