Everyone at the track was excited and tense,
But Father was sullen and grim
Until 'e spied a dapper young chap named Malloy
'Oo worked in the office with 'im.

This Malloy was a bit of a sportsman
And 'e whispered in Pinwinkle's ear,
"If you're going to bet on the Derby
Lay your money on Queen Guinevere."

"I know that she isn't the fav'rite
And she's running at twenty to one,
But if she doesn't win it is simply because
Something 'appens that she doesn't run."

Now, Father, though thrifty and cautious
Could not resist odds such as those,
So 'e wrenched two pounds out of 'is wallet
And laid it on Guinevere's nose.

Now scarce 'ad 'e picked up 'is ticket
When again Malloy 'ove into sight
"Don't bet upon Queen Guinevere," said Malloy
She 'asn't a chance... Smiley's tight.
  "Smiley, y' see, is 'er jockey
'E's the only one she understands,
Anyone 'oo approaches 'er she kicks to death,
But she's putty in young Smiley's 'ands.

"There ain't nobody 'oo can go near 'er,
There ain't nothink nobody can do,
She's a four-legged devil till Smiley shows up,
And Smiley's been took stinkeroo."

The shock of these words stopped old Pinwinkle short
'E was just like a man made of wood.
'E looked at 'is ticket, and then looked at 'Erb
And neither look did 'im much good.

Then suddenly 'Erb said, "You leave it to me,
I ain't scared of no 'orse ever built;
Just point out the stall." But Malloy quickly said,
"Don't go near that 'orse, you'll be kilt!"

Then Father Pinwinkle turned quick to Malloy,
"Let 'im go if 'e wants to," 'e said.
"I 'ate to lose money, but if I lose 'Erb,
At least I'll be that much ahead."
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