Now this gave Herbert's pa an idea,
Of a way Herbert's spirits to curb.
If the kidnappers did it to one boy...
Why couldn't they do it to Herb.

So they worked out with pencil and paper,
What they'd save if their son they could lose.
There'd be two shillings daily in victuals,
To say nothing of trousers and shoes.

So Mr. and Mrs. Pinwinkle
Dropped a hint to a journalist friend,
That if the kidnappers made off with Herbert,
There was nothing that they wouldn't spend.

Well the hint that they dropped reached the papers,
And in turn reached the kidnapper's eye.
And as business was dull at the season,
They decided to give it a try.

Then Mr. and Mrs. Pinwinkle
Put on Herbert's best Sunday togs,
And made him look clean and inviting,
Then carefully locked up the dogs.
  Then they set Herbert out on the doorstep,
Round about half past eight,
With a ten shilling note in his pocket,
And a bottle of whiskey for bait.

Bedtime came and still nothing happened,
When a scream interrupted their prayers.
Said father, "Well, there goes our Herbert.
I hope he don't bleed on the stairs."

For a fortnight the Pinwinkles waited,
For a telephone call or a note,
To say, "We're holding your Herbert for ransom.
Pay up or we disect his throat."

Came the end of the month and no Herbert
And mother said, "Oh deary me...
Herbert must be an angel by this time."
Said Pa, "Aye! Let's have some friends in for tea."

Just then came a ring at the doorbell.
Father hastened to answer the bell.
And there on the doorstep stood Herbert,
With a note fastened to his lapel.
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