He was smiling and rugged and happy.
His cheeks was quite healthy and red.
In one hand was an ear, and in the other some hair
He had torn from a kidnapper's head.

Well they opened the note and they read it.
"Dear sir and dear madam", it went.
"Here's your kid, we've no words that can picture,
The horrible month we have spent.

He gnawed off the thumb of the captain,
And he sewed all the men's eyelids shut.
Then he carved his initials on my hairy chest,
And then he rubbed salt in the cut.

We deserve to be hung we admit it,
For the various crimes we have did.
And besides we deserve to be quartered and drawn,
But we don't deserve Herbert your kid.

He's something a buzzard wouldn't sniff at.
He's something a dog wouldn't bite.
Please accept fifty pounds. Take him back off our hands.
He's yours!... Heaven help you!... Goodnight!"
to a friend

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