There was only one drawback to Robert:
'E wos chuck full of vigor and vim,
But 'is eyes was a bit out of focus
And 'is outlook was 'azy and dim.

A forest to 'im was a nosegay,
And a saucer of tea was a lake,
And 'e once killed a 'orse for a beetle
Which to 'im was a normal mistake.

It made 'im feel very self conscious,
Though 'e tried to act devil-may-care
When 'e'd say "toodle-oo" and pop off through a door
And then find out the door wasn't there.

But 'e managed to live through it some'ow,
And smiled through 'is tears, so to speak,
And then one day 'e met Arabella
'Oo was eighteen and willing and weak.

Robert knew right away fate 'ad sent 'er
She was all that 'e'd been thinking of,
'E walked round in more of a daze than before
For the poor silly ass was in love.

Arabella was one of those women
'Oo looked for perfection in men.
If she found one flaw in the man of 'er choice
She chucked 'im and tried it again.

And strange as it seems, Uncle Robert
'Ad all of the traits she admired:
'E could rhumba and conga along with the best,
And seldom, if ever, got tired.

'E wos neat in appearance, chose neckties with care,
'E wos 'ealthy, athletic and tanned,
'E could play a mouth organ and yodel a bit,
Wot more could a woman demand?

But Robert 'ad qualms, 'e knew down in 'is 'eart
That a crisis was coming some day
When 'e'd reach out to kiss 'er, and then, by mistake,
iss a 'orse that was nine miles away.

So after much study, 'e 'it on a scheme
To convince Arabella, Bah Goom,
That 'is eyesight compared wi' the strongest and best
In fact, it was better than soom.

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