When 'e saw what 'Erb 'ad been doing,
And 'eard Kathleen screaming like mad,
With Pussycat running 'round smoking,
'E said, "Now you've torn it, me lad"

'Cos 'e'd won that there cat in a raffle,
A pure blooded Persian she were.
And e'd 'oped to take prizes at cat show
Now she couldn't without any fur.

So they set off for Blackpool next morning,
'Twere a fine day with no sign o' rain;
Bought a stick with an 'orses 'ead 'andle,
For 'Erbert on t'way to the train.

Then they told 'im 'e mustn't poke lion,
Like some people did for a joke,
And when 'e just laughed, they were pleased like,
Now they knew 'e'd be certain to poke.

Then Father went off to buy tickets,
Adult return fares for two,
But just a 'alf single for 'Erbert,
'Oo was going to stay on at the zoo.

They got to Blackpool in an hour,
Going straight to the zoo, as Ma said;
But when 'e 'eard t' lions a roaring
Young 'Erbert 'e rushed on ahead.

Now 'e remembered 'e mustn't poke lions,
But 'is parents 'ad not told 'im why,
So the stick with the 'orses 'ead 'andle,
'E poked right in Wallace's eye.

Old Wallace 'e jumped up intending
To frighten young 'Erb with a roar,
But 'Erbert just kicked 'im in t'stomach,
And shouted "Eeh! do it some more!"

This wasn't what Wallace expected,
And a pained look came over 'is face,
Which deepened as 'Erbert Pinwinkle
Kicked 'im twice in the very same place.

Then with stick with the 'orses 'ead 'andle,
'E whacked Wallace hard on the leg,
And backed 'im up into t'far corner,
And told 'im to sit up and beg.

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