HERBERT TELLS THE TRUTH
by
Paul Gerard Smith


  I've spoken of Mr. Pinwinkle
And Mrs. Pinwinkle 'is bride,
And I also 'ave mentioned young 'Erbert, their son,
The thorn in the Pinwinkle side.

From the day 'e was born they were baffled
Their lives went from 'orrid to worse;
Instead of the blessing that most children are
Young 'Erb was the Pinwinkle curse.

They 'ad left 'im in baskets on doorsteps,
They 'ad lost 'im in crowds at the zoo,
They 'ad walked 'im down railroad tracks, 'oping for trains,
But some'ow young 'Erb would pull through.

"We've done everything we can think of,"
Said Ma with a tear in 'er eye,
'Per'aps we could kill 'im with kindness;
At least it is well worth a try."

They smiled when 'e scratched the piano
They said "Bravo" and patted 'is 'ead,
But it took lots of will power to say "Cheerio"
The night 'e put frogs in their bed.
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