"Don't you know anything about baseball, you dope?"
Said the man, "See that flat sort of sack?
That's the third I want stolen." 'Erb nodded and said,
"That's all I need know. I'll be back."

Then quick as a wink 'Erbie slid from 'is seat
And running like some frightened fawn,
'E grabbed 'old of third base, pulled it up by the roots,
Tucked it under 'is arm... and was gone.

Well, there was excitement; the people stood up,
What they'd witnessed was past all belief,
And fifty-five thousand throats let out.a roar
And the women all shouted "Stop Thief!"

'Erbie dodged past the shortstop and out to left field,
The third baseman joined in the chase.
Then the umpires ran and the substitutes, too,
And they chased 'im all over the place.

They chased 'im to right field, they chased 'im to left,
And they cornered 'im out near the flag.
And the umpire said, "Son, you're delaying the game,
Be a good boy and give us the bag."
  But 'Erbert was firm, and 'e would not give in
Though they pleaded and begged and cajoled
'E 'ad stolen third base, and 'e 'ad it right there
And to 'Erbert to 'ave was to 'old.

They offered 'im peanuts and candy and gum,
They asked 'ow 'is mother would feel
When she learned wot 'e'd done; but 'Erb wouldn't give in
Because 'Erbert at 'eart was a 'eel.

Then manager Joseph McCarthy stepped up
And said, "I'll handle this little guy.
Now look, kid, the Series stands three games apiece,
And we can't let it end in a tie.

"There are millions of people all over the land
Just waiting to see 'oo will win
Be a good little boy, now, and give us the bag."
'Erb gave 'im a kick in the shin.

Gabby 'Artnett came up and shook 'Erb rather rough
And said, "Listen, you fresh little whelp..."
Then 'e stopped as young 'Erb sunk 'is teeth in 'is arm
So 'Artnett just 'ollered for 'elp.
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