"That's that," said Mother Pinwinkle.
Pa replied with a wink and a laugh,
"You said it old girl, all we've got to do now
Is think up a good epitaph."

"Now, Father," said Mother, "remember,
Our duties we mustn't neglect.
An occasion like this is a red letter day
There are certain things people expect.

"As soon. as the folks learn of 'Erbert
And discover 'e's well on 'is way,
They'll 'ang flags out all of the windows
And close up their shops for the day.

"You get busy and make some sandwiches,
I'll get busy and whip up a cake,
Well 'ave to 'ave cheese, pickled pigs' feet and beer,
I expect a big crowd to the wake."

'Bah Goom, thou'rt right," answered Father
"The finish of 'Erbie, our son,
Is a day that comes once in a lifetime,
And we've got to go 'ole 'og or none.
  "As parents we must do our duty,
It's a penalty parents must pay,
And we'll give little 'Erbie a sendoff
Much bigger than Armistice Day!'

So Father went down to the village
And spread the good word all about,
And detailed some folk to stand by and ring bells
And others to stand by and shout.

'E arranged a parade led by bandsmen
All dressed up in bright crimson coats;
Be'ind them came two dozen 'orses,
Be'ind them came three dozen floats.

Then came the rest of the village
Dressed up in their best coats and 'ats,
Then the mayor and city officials
And then came the stray dogs and cats.

And when the parading was over
A concert and vaudeville show
Would. be 'eld in a grove by the river
And all were invited to go.
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