For General 'Orace Fitz Morris McCoy
Knew well that the opposite sex
Would 'ave their affections for sojers dispelled
By boils on the backs of their necks.

'E summoned the Sergeant. "Now, Sergeant," 'e said,
"Although I look sturdy and strong
And fit as a fiddle, and neat as a pin
The rear of my neck 'as gone wrong.

"There's a bit of a pimple 'as sprung into life
At the point where my collar band rubs
Go summon a doctor, and make 'aste, I pray,
I'm due at the Countess of Chubb's."

So the Sergeant went down to the medical room
And was taken aback quite a bit,
For the doc by mistake 'ad took two of 'is pills
And was now in the throes of a fit.

'Ere was a dilemma. Fitz Morris McCoy
'Oo was not very calm at 'is best
Became 'ighly incensed. "That's torn it," 'e cried
'Asn't someone somethink to suggest?"
  "I 'ave an idea," the Sergeant replied,
"We could try. While there's life there is 'ope.
When I was a kid, mother conquered a boil
By a poultice of breadcrumbs and soap."

So they sent for some soap and a yesterday's bun
And mixed them according to Hoyle,
And applied the disgoosting and odorous mess
Smack dab on the General's boil.

They waited a bit for the poultice to dry
"'Old tight," Sergeant said, "'ere she comes."
But the only result that the General got
Was 'is pants full of soap chips and crumbs.

So the General lined the men up on parade
Explaining 'is plight to them all.
And 'oo do you think was the man that stepped forth?
You guessed it... none else than Sam Small.

Sam remembered 'is mother 'ad cured boils on 'im
By 'eating a bottle red 'ot.
Then she'd empty the bottle, then she'd apply
The bottleneck over the spot.
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