The Pilgrims was fair shocked at that. They called 'im infidel
And told 'im 'e must mend 'is ways or 'e'd wind up in 'ell,
But when they said, "Stop swearing!" Sam refused to be a snob,
'E said, "You keep on praying and I'll go and get a job."

'E went to each log cabin, and to every 'umble 'ut
To see if they 'ad rugs to beat or any grass to cut.
One day 'e met Priscilla, 'oo was young and very sweet,
And she 'ired 'im to scare indians, and keep 'er garden neat.

Old Sam was in 'is glory, 'e spent mornings trimming shrubs,
Discouraging the angleworms and double-crossing grubs.
Afternoons 'e went on errands through the forest to the town
And spent nights extracting arrows from the place where 'e sat down.
  Sam was jealous of 'is garden, and 'e put up little signs
Like "Do not touch the roses" and "Be careful of the vines",
"Keep off the Grass", "No Smoking" and if someone disobeyed,
Sam convinced them of their error... 'e massaged them with a spade.

Sam was faithful, Sam was earnest, and in just no time at all
Priscilla found 'erself depending on our friend, Sam Small.
She would pause and say, "Good morning, Sam," each time she chanced to pass,
And Sam would say, "Good morning... read the sign, 'Keep Off the Grass'."

'Is coldness made Priscilla grow a little fond of Sam,
For women some'ow like a man 'oo doesn't give a-rap
And tho' she tried to show it, 'er advances 'e'd ignore
'E was busy with his roses, to 'im. romance was a bore.
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