"I am 'ere to announce I intend to present
An elegant seat to the game
To the man 'oo, can say 'e 'as gone through the month
Without a black mark to 'is name."

Well, at that, 'alf the regiment walked off the field
Without any further ado
For they knew if McCoy gave their records a look
The Ieast 'e could say wos "Pew."

McCoy looked at the rest and said, "Lord love a duck
This outfit of mine is a jinx
It's a dismal, unruly, unsojerly lot...
It's shameful, It's sloppy. It's appalling.

"Surely one of your number 'as gone through the month
Without breaking all the commands
If you 'aven't, go back to your bunks and repent
If you 'ave, simply 'old up your 'ands."

Then, the General looked to see 'oos 'and wos up
And 'e found there were no 'ands at all
All the men 'ad gone off... that is, all except one
And that one wos... you guessed it, Sam Small.
  When Fitz Morris saw Sam, 'e said, "Well, Private Small
So you claim that your record is clean?
For the last thirty days you've done nothink at all
That was wrong, underanded or mean?"

Sam replied, "Aye, that's right, I've done nowt at all."
McCoy, as they say, took it big
And said, "Where 'ave you been for the last thirty days?"
Sam simply replied, "In the brig."

Well, McCoy was quite fair. 'E wos forced to admit
Sam 'ad a legitimate claim
A man can't break rules while 'e's doing a stretch
So Sam got the seat to the game.

For the next seven days Sam wos walking on air
'Is excitement wos out of control
And on New Year's Day some'ow 'e fought through the crowd
And there 'e wos... outside the Bowl.

With a ticket that said "Use the W gate
Tunnel nine, section seven, Box B
Aisle two 'undred and ten, Lower level, Row 8
And finally seat twenty-three."
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