Peter Bamford

  You've heard of the battle of Hastings
An' William t'Conquerors rout,
Of Saxons, who fought like young lions,
But couldn't keep Norman lot out.

Well, twenty year after th'invasion,
An' wond'rin' how much he were worth.
King William sent out 'is assessors,
The value o' stuff to unearth.

He sent 'em to all parts o' kingdom,
Commissioners as they were known.
If folk didn't answer their questions,
For a fortneight in jail they were thrown.

On an 'ill farm due south o' Great Harwood,
A tenant named Joe Summersgill,
saw a Norman pull up on his wagon,
Wi' an armful o' scrolls an' a quill.

Said the Norman in strong garlic accent,
"I 'ave come to record all you 'ave,
But before we can get down to business,
Sil vous plait, can I borrow your lav?"

While t'fella were usin' the petty,
Joe grabbed 'is owd woman an' said.
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