The Day Hostilities Terminated
by
Robb Wilton

The day hostilities terminated, my missus said to me, 'What are you going to do now?'
I said, 'What do you mean, what am I going to do now?'
'Well,' she said, 'there's no Home Guard, no more fire-watching, they don't want any more special constables, so what are you going to do?'
I said, 'I'll do something'
She said, 'what?'
I said, 'How do I know? I don't know till I see Charlie Evans tonight.'
She said, 'What's Charlie Evans going to do?'
I said, 'He doesn't know 'till he sees me - we've got to talk it over.'
She said, 'Talk what over?'
I said, 'Post-war plans.'
She said, 'What's them?'
I said, 'That means future plans - we - we'll meet tonight at the local at eight o'clock and by closing time we might have a very good idea of how we stand.'
'Well,' she said, 'neither of you had any idea of how you stood at closing time last night and,' she said, 'on Peace Night you got mixed up in a fight.'
I said, 'Well, blimey, if you can't have a fight on Peace Night, when can you?'
But trying to find work now the war is over isn't going to be too easy - there's so few jobs the Missus can do.
I did call at a factory the other day, and I very nearly got a job. I saw Bill Wills... (strong audience reaction here - obviously a well-known member of staff). Ah! Now, one - one of the nicest... he said, 'Have you had your dinner?'
I said 'No.'
He said 'We have!' He said, 'You're a bit late turning up aren't you?', he said, 'Where do you think we'd all be if we were all like you?'
I said, 'well, I'm very fond of Southend myself, but...'
He said, 'Well,' he said, 'if I do take you on' he said, 'I might, I might have to put you in the women's section but' he said, 'you seem a bit too old for that.'
I said, 'Oh, I don't know!' I said, 'What do... what do you work at yourself?'
He said, 'Me? Me?' he said, 'I don't work, I'm the Foreman.'
I said, 'Ah, well anything like that'll do me,' I said.
He said, 'Anyhow,' he said, 'I may be able to give you a start in a week or two.'
And so I went home, and I told the Missus. I didn't tell her right away, because she hasn't been too well
lately, but when she came to, she said, 'And you're going to start work?' she said, 'Ooh, if my poor mother could only have lived to see this day...' and then swooned off again.
Well, now, I did think of taking a pub, and I said to the Missus, 'If I do,' I said, 'that Charlie Evans, he'll come in with me.'
She said, 'That'd be nothing new - he always does!'
I said, 'No, you don't under-', I said, 'When I say he'll come in with me, I mean he'll come in with me on a sharing basis.'
She said, 'What sharing basis?'
I said, 'I don't know - it'll all depend on what supplies we get.'
Then she said, 'Don't forget there's a lot of worry about... and what about shortages? Some days,' she said, 'the pubs have no beer at all!' Oh lumme, she does get morbid... and only the o... oh! Good gracious me, look at the - I should - they've been open three minutes! Charlie will have the needle... I've never been as late as this before - I must be off - tata! I'll see you later - so long!


The end