Robb Wilton
Since I got married some three years ago
I can't call my life my own
The story's an old one the wife rules the show
By her self, on her own, all alone.
If I'm invited to stop out all night
I can... if she likes to say yes
We've got a new servant, she shapes very well
Well, she asked me today for a kiss.
Well, I had to first, see the wife.
And tell her how matters stood.
I said, 'She's a nice girl, I'm sure means no harm,
Well, thank you Martha.' said I, quiet and calm.
Well, she commenced razing the place
And said, 'At last, you brute, you're unmasked!'
Now, the girl's got to go... and p'raps me, I don't know,
I do feel annoyed that I asked.

I had an adventure a fortnight today,
And I haven't got over the blow.
I had some loose splosh, so I thought that a wash
At the baths would be alright, and so...
The chap at the door said the first on the left
I tried it but found it was locked
So I went round the corner, found one that I thought
Would suit me alright, so I knocked.
Well, I knocked once and then knocked again.
To make sure there was no-one in
I said, 'Oh, it's alright, I'll just go inside.'
As I turned the handle a woman's voice cried,
'You can't come in here, I'm undressed,
Good gracious! the door is unlocked!'
She then slipped the bolt, of course... my own fault,
I did feel annoyed that I'd knocked.

While taking a stroll round the town, yesterday,
I turned and went down a side-street.
I hadn't gone far when I heard someone say,
'He's a face like a Sunday school treat.'
I turned round and said 'Hey! was that meant for me?'
And a chap, six foot two, then replied,
'Well, if the cap fits, you know what to do!'
So, I went up and I pushed him aside.
Ah well, that's just as far as I got, 
Everything seemed to go wrong
I had a book in my pocket on fights
And if I could have found it, I'd have set things to rights.
Only, he had one fist in my eye
Oh, the millions of stars that passed.
I said, 'Hit me again, go on... you hit me again.'
I did feel annoyed, that I asked!
The end