I Should Say So
by
Robb Wilton
I've got a pal, a real pal, 
Who's been a pal to me.
In time of grief and trouble 
He's as happy as can be.
Some time ago last winter, 
I 'ad what they call the flu
And Jim, my pal of years gone by, 
Came round to pull me through.
He looked at me and sighed
And said, 'It's all up, that is clear!'
And he looked at me again and said,
'Oh dear!, oh dear!, oh dear!'
He said, 'You don't 'alf look bad, you don't!'
I said, 'Who do?'
He said, 'You don't!'
I said, 'I do?'
He said, 'Yes, you do, you don't.'
He said, 'You won't live long, you won't.'
I said, 'Who won't?'
He said, 'You won't!'
I said, 'I won't?'
He said, 'You won't!'
I said, 'Why?'
I said, 'What makes you say so?'
He said, 'Say so?... I should say so!'
'It's a thousand pounds to one you're gonna die,
'Well you might last out 'til Sunday,
'But you can't live over Monday...
'So I think I'd better go now.'
I said, 'Aye!'

I bought a car the other day, 
For one pound, two and three
To take the missus and the kids
One fine day, to the sea.
Well, we'd all been trying to start it,
We twisted and we twirled
In less than 'alf the time,
We could have travelled 'round the world.
So I advertised to sell it
And a fella called today
You know, like, to see the car
I said, 'Oh aye, well here we are, and say...
'Now that ain't 'alf a car, that aint!'
He said, 'Which ain't?'
I said, 'That ain't!'
He said, 'That ain't?'
I said, 'Yes, it is, it ain't!'
I said, 'But you be careful when you try 'er,
'She's a flyer if you buy 'er
'You've a bargain, you can take a tip from me!'
He said, 'What makes you say so?'
I said, 'Say so?... I should say so.
'That's a real car... you'll have no cause for growls.'
He said, 'You don't seem to get me,
'So I'll tell you if you let me,
'I want it for a hen-house for the fowls!'

I tried to separate two women
Who were fighting in the street,
I got between them and said,
'Girls, do try and be discreet
A policeman came, they both escaped
He said, 'Come on with me!'
He said, 'You caused the row!' I said, 'Me!... how?' 
He said, 'Come on, we'll see.'
So I went before the Magistrate
And he fined me twenty bob,
I said, ''Ow much?' He said, 'A pound!'
I said, 'I'll have some job!'
I said, 'I can't pay it Guv'nor!'
He said, 'Who can't?'
I said, 'I can't!'
He said, 'You can't?'
I said, 'Yes I can, I can't!'
He said, 'Oh well, that alters my decision,
'And you must go to prison,
For fourteen days you won't come out, so you shan't.'
I said, 'What makes you say so?'
He said, 'Say so?... I should say so!
'It took me years to start that little spree,
'One was my wife's mother,
'It was a dead cert on the other,
'Now all through you, she's back... and lives with me!'
        
The end