Then blushin' she plucks up her courage,
And bravely she shows 'im the place,
And 'e gives it a proper inspections,
Wi' a 'eap o' surprise on 'is face.
Then 'e says wi' and accent o' Scotland,
"Whit ye hae is a bile, Ah can feel,
But ye'd better consult the heid Dockter;
They call him Professor O'Neil.
He's special for biles and carbuncles.
Ye'll find him in Room Sixty-three.
No charge, Ma'am. It's been a rale pleasure.
Just tell him ye're comin from me."

So Missis she thanks 'im politely,
And 'unts up and down as before,
Till she comes to a big 'andsome room
With "Professor O'Neil" on the door.
Then once more she plucks up her courage,
And knocks and a voice says: "All right!"
So she enters, and sees a fat feller
Wi' whiskers, all togged up in white.
"I've got a big boil," says my Missis,
"And if ye will kindly permit,
I'd like for to 'ave you inspect it;
It 'urts me like all when I sit."

  So blushin' as red as a beet-root
She 'astens to show 'im the spot,
And 'e says wi'a look o' amazement:
"Sure, Ma'am, it must hurt ye a lot!"
Then 'e puts on 'is specs to regard it,
And finally says wi' a frown:
"I'll bet it's a sore as the divvle,
Espacially whin ye sit down.
I think it's a case for the Surgeon;
Ye'd better consult Doctor Hoyle.
I've no hisitation in sayin'...
Yer boil is a hill of a boil."

So Missis she thanks 'im for sayin'
Her boil is a hill of a boil,
And 'unts all around till she comes
On a door that is marked: "Doctor Hoyle."
But by now she 'as fair got the wind up,
And trembles in every limb;
But she thinks: "After all 'e's a Doctor.
Ah moosn't be bashful wi' 'im."
She's made o' good stoof is the Missis,
So she knocks and a voice says: "'Oos there?"
"It's me," says ma Bessie, an' enters
A room which is spacious and bare.
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