It gave Columbus quite a thrill
To ‘ear the deaf’ning cheers
They drove ‘im round in Ford V8
And stood ‘im several beers.

‘E saw Sam Goldwyn, and ‘e got
T’ film contract right away
So off ‘e went to Hollywood
By plane that very day.

‘E started with Dorothy Lamour
And Greta Garbo too
And ‘e forgot poor Isabel
As ‘is importance grew.

But popularity tha knows
Is a vain and fickle soul
And soon Columbus lost ‘is job
And ‘ad to go on t’ dole.

‘E soon got reet fed up o’ this
And longed for home again
So, getting t’ ship from t’ pawnbrokers
‘E set sail back to Spain.

  Queen Isabella weren’t ‘alf wild
Wi’ Chris, and what d’you think
When ‘e got back to port again
She shoved ‘im straight in t’ clink.

She were so jealous of the girls
‘E’d kissed in t’ U.S.A
She locked ‘im up for fifty years
Or so t’ historian’s say

So if you go to see a Queen
Don’t give the lass an ‘ug
Or you might end up like that there
Wi’ fifty years in t’ jug.

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