SOLOMON AND THE QUEEN OF SHEBA
by
Roger Brocksom
Now Solomon were t' king, tha knows,
Of Egypt long ago ;
Wi' lots o' prosp'rous colonies
And piles and piles o' dough.

'Is bank account were very big, 
'E'd tons o' jewels too, 
And diamond studs, and golden plates 
To hold 'is Irish stew.

But Solomon were noted for
A different thing from this ;
Two hundred wives 'e 'ad. 'Ow's that
For real connubial bliss?

Now don't think ill o' Solomon, 
'Is morals weren't so lax; 
'E 'ad to have two hundred wives 
To get off Income Tax.

'Is court were famed both far and near 
For splendour, pomp, and show; 
And lots more girls wanted to be 
'Is wife... but Sol said " No."

Now t' Queen o' Sheba, she were t' lass 
Who lived near Solly's place; 
She'd pots o' money too, they say, 
And lots o' queenly grace.

She wrote to Solly lots o' times, 
Asking to be 'is wife; 
But every time, t' reply came back, 
"Not on your blooming life!"

This got the Queen o' Sheba's goat, 
As well it might, you know, 
For she were t' most attractive lass 
On top of all her dough.

And when she asked if she could come 
And visit 'im," You see," 
Said Sol, " wi' my two hundred wives 
I 'aven't time for thee."

In spite o' this she packed 'er bags 
Wi' gold and jewelled lace, 
And journeyed cross the desert sand 
To reach old Solly's place.

She thought that 'e'd be glad to see 
'Er, with gifts of gold; 
And in 'er Sunday best she looked 
A smasher, so we're told.

She knocked on t' gate o' Solly's house, 
And Solomon, 'e came; 
But when 'e saw 'er there, 'e called 
The lass a naughty name.

"Two hundred wives I've got," 'e cried, 
"I 'aven't time for thee; 
I've told you so, so 'op it, Queen, 
And work on Antony.

"Now look 'ere, lass, I like your style, 
I know that you can cook; 
But all my wives do that, and so 
You'd better sling your 'ook.

"Wi' all the gold you've brought me, gel 
(To get down to brass tacks), 
If you come in, then I'll be caught 
For Excess Profits Tax."

The moral pointed by this tale
To maidens is quite clear;
Don't throw yourselves at married men.
You'll end up like that there.
The end