THERE'S SUMMAT NOT RIGHT
WITH FRED'S HAT

by
Stan Brown

I were in the Nags Head, with me supping pal Fred,
when, I noticed that summat weren't right.
I thought. "That's bloody queer, what's going on here?"
But just thought it a trick of the light.

So I had a few more, (well I had to be sure).
I didn't want to embarrass the chap.
But the more that I looked, I knew summat were up,
there was summat not right with Fred's hat.

I said, "Now then our Fred, what's up with your head?
I'm not being nosey or nowt.
But, you look a right prat, what's wrong with your hat?
Cos it's twitching, and thrutching about."

"Shurrup," whispered Fred, "He'll hear you," he said.
"Yeah, shut your gob," said the hat.
"Just bugger off home, and leave us alone."
I'll admit, I was taken aback.
  I said. "Hey, look at that, a real talking hat!"
Then I had to hold on to me chair.
Cos the strangest of things, when out shot two wings,
and the hat fluttered up in the air.

Now, I've got to confess, I was somewhat impressed,
at a hat, that could talk and take flight.
It flew round the bar, but didn't get very far,
til, finally it perched on the light.

"I warned you," said Fred. "You've upset him," he said,
I said. "Who?" He said. "Him!" I said. "Where?"
He said. "You and your gob, you've caused me some probs,
how do I get him back down from up there?"

"Stand under." I said. "It might land on your head."
He said. "What?" I said. "Head." He said. "Why?
Don't you think I'll look daft?" I said. "It's your bloody hat,
at least you could give it a try."

Fred said. "But I don't want me hat, I don't care about that."
I was gobsmacked at what I'd just heard.
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