THE OOMPAH
AND THE PIANO

by
Stan Brown

  There's a couple lived down in our street,
Alice and Big Bill MacLand.
She teached the piano at sixpence a go,
'e played th'oompah for t'local works band.

From mornin' till night you could 'ear 'em,
as they went up an' down on the scales.
They 'ad loads o' complaints from the neighbours,
an' even 'ad letters from Wales.

Now we asked 'em right nice like to quieten',
"Bugger off!" Bill sez. "Leave us alone.
We can do what we want in us own 'ouse,
an' English mans castles 'is 'ome!"

So we sent for the local const - abu - lary,
an' they sent along PC Plod.
An' probably because 'e was learnin',
'e'd brought along Rover the dog.

Now Rover were due for retirin',
an' 'e weren't any Will o' the whisp.
'E were missin' a leg, - one eye, - an' 'is tail,
an' 'e barked with a sort of a lisp.

When Rover 'eard 'em both playin',
it set 'im off startin' to 'owl.
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