One Each Apiece, All Round
by
Stanley Holloway
Number 2-4-6-8
Private Samuel Small
Were up before his Captain
To explain away a brawl.

The Captain said, 'Now state your case,
But please he short and brief,
Tell everything that happened
To the best of your belief.'

'Well now,' said Sam, 'it's like this, 'ere
Me and some other chaps
Had a little celebration
And a drink or two perhaps.

'It happened to be me birthday, 
And on counting out I found
I'd got enough out of me pay 
To have one apiece all round. 

'We drank 'em up, no heeltaps 
And then the same again, 
'Here's a health unto his Majesty,' 
We sang, 'long may he reign.'

'With chorus after chorus 
We made the walls resound, 
And then to keep things going 
We had one each apiece all round. 

'It were nearly time for lights out 
And getting rather late, 
We had no money left for drinks 
So we put 'em on the slate.

'Suddenly... out went the lights 
Without the slightest warning, 
We all trooped out but not without 
A bottle for the morning.

'Across the barrack square we went 
As bold as any gentry,
It was a lark when in the dark 
We come across a sentry.

''Alt, who goes there?' the sentry cried,
We firmly stood our ground.
'It's only Sam,' I cried, 'and we've had 
One each apiece all round,

'We've been drinking . . . drinking . . . drinking.' 
We got into the barrack room and started to undress, 
Just then the Sergeant came along, 
Straight from the Sergeants' Mess.

'We shut the door, sat on the floor, 
We never made a sound
And to finish off me birthday, 
We had one each apiece all round.'

'Well, Private Small,' said Captain, 
'I shall have to punish thee
For this grave misdemeanour, 
You will get ten days CB.'

'Ten days CB,' said Samuel, 
'That's heavy I'll be bound.' 
Said Captain, 'Split among your pals, 
It's one each apiece all round.
The end