Sam's Parrot
written by
V.F. Stevens & Lauri Bowen
Na tha's 'eard of owd Sam, well, that very same chap 
Were out walking one day for a stroll 
And were padding down t' high street just casual like, 
On his way to sign on for the dole.

After passing three tripe shops 'e 'appened to come 
To a place 'e'd not noticed afore,
'Twere a shop where they sold different live stock and pets...
A kind of menagerie store.

'E stood gawpin' in t' window at pups, slugs and birds,
All int'rested like as could be,
When a voice near at 'and seemed to shriek in his ear 
'Eeh, Lad, Ah knaws summat 'bout thee.'

'E were that surprised, that t' shopman inside, 
Having noticed how Sam had turned pale,
Come outside to see if owd Sam wanted owt, 
He were keen like on making a sale. 

'Nay Lad, there's nowt theer that I want to buy.'
And then e' went as red as a carrot,
'But that theer thing's champion by gum, I'd like 'e."
And the shopkeeper yelled 'What! That parrot?

But no lad, tha reely could not afford 'e
Unless tha can spare fifteen quid, 
An' even at that price I'd lose on the deal,
She cost more'n that... that she did.

Owd Sam were crestfallen, but then an idea
Must have entered the shopkeeper's head.
'Theer's only one thing tha can do, lad, says 'e,
Take two of 'er eggs 'ome instead. 

They're two bob apiece, an' all tha's to do,
Is to just shove 'em under a hen, 
An' tha'll 'ave a parrot like that in a month,
Aye they're bound to be 'atched out by then.' 

Well, Sam dubs up brass and goes 'ome with th' eggs
As pleased wi' 'imself as could be
And the Parrot's last words seemed to ring in his ears
'Eeh, Lad, Ah knows summat 'bout thee.'

Now it must 'ave been fully six months after that, 
When Sam went down t' High Street once more.
An' 'appening to pass by that very same shop,
'E 'eard someone calling from t'door

'Eeh Lad, 'said the voice, 'but ah knows about thee.' 
Said Sam, 'Aye but tha's out of luck!
'Cos Ah knows summat 'bout thee too, owd lass, 
Thy bloomin' 'usband's a duck!' 
The end