Steve Morris

I once had a mate called Barry Mulcrow
Who bought 'imself an owd van
An 'undred thousand miler job
That he got from 'Honest Stan'
It'd been in use at an abbatoir
Since nineteen-eighty-two
But Barry said wi' a lick o' paint
It'd soon be just like new.

When Baz got crackin' on doin' it up
He didn't know when to stop
He 'ad it sprayed metallic green
An' he fitted a vinyl top
Rally tyres an' tinted glass
It all looked very nice
Then he finished it off wi' a noddin' dog
An' a set o' them furry dice.

Well, Barry decided a van's not cool
Until it's got some sounds
So he took a job at Burger King
'Til he'd saved up seventy pounds
  Then he went an' bought a radio
Wi' a speaker set that matched
An' a nine foot yellow aerial
To the winq he 'ad attached.

Baz was like a twin tailed dog
When he tuned 'is wireless in
His woofers an' his tweeters, well
They didn't 'alf make some din
He whizzed straight past The JY Prog
The Proms an' Woman's 'our
An' he set 'is dial to Rock FM
Where he whacked it up full power.

So, it's ten to twelve on a Friday night
An' Barry's been out cruisin'
Billy Bent meanwhile is leavin' t' Black Dog
Where he's done some serious boozin'
After six pints o' Burton an' a couple o' shorts
He just don't give a toss
An' both he and Baz are unaware
That their paths are set to cross

It's just after midnight, Bill's on his way home
An' he's walkin' wi' a bit of a sway
He crosses the road to get puddin' and chips
Not bothered to look either way
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