Where I slipped mi arm around her waist
An' mi hand I placed on her knee

Her reaction to my advances
Was just about the best yet
"Will ya get a grip a' your urges man
Rusedski's servin' fer t' set"

Well, I hate that Greg Rusedski
An' I hate that Michael Chang
An' I hate Sir Cliff soddin' Richard
An' them poxy songs what he sang

An' as fer teenage billionaires
I begrudge 'em ev'ry last cent
An' Desmond Lynam's paid too much
An' so is t' Duke o' Kent

Well it's finals this comin' weekend
So I'm goin' to bugger off out
I'm puttin' mi hikin' boots on
An' I'm headin' up Kinder Scout

Where there's no prima donnas an' tantrums
No umpires an' no dodgy calls
An' I won't go bright green wi' envy
When Henman gets given new balls
  But I think I'd better get used to all this
Even though it's makin' me vexed
Cos we've got a subscription to cable TV
An' t' Mongolian Open's on next

There's a moral attached to mi story
To ignore it could be yer downfall
Never get wed to a Wimbledon fan
'Cos love'll mean nothin' at all.

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