THE DIVER'S STORY
by
Edward Kent

Yes, when I was a deep sea diver, sir,
Some strange things, they happened to me!
And the strangest as I recollect, sir,
It was off the Southampton quay.
A lady was crossing a gangway,
And in such a hurry was she
That she stumbled-and let go her purse, sir,
And it fell, with a splash in the sea!
And her boat was to sail in an hour, sir!
And she'd dropped eighty pounds in that purse!
'Twas a roll of eight ten-pound notes, sir
So for her, well, things couldn't look worse!
Then she glares round and says in a whisper
"Say, is there a diver about?
I'll give him five pounds, if he'll bring up my purse!"
So I pulls my forelock and steps out!
"I'll go if you makes it ten pounds, ma'am!"
I says... so she nods, with a frown
My diving suit's just on the pier here
And in six minutes time I'll be down!"
Well, some mess-mates, they screws on my helmet,
While I thinks, "Will she pay what she said?"
And my heart was as heavy as sorrow
And my boots was as heavy as lead!
Then I goes down the steps on the pier, sir,
Till the water, it foams round my toes,
And still down them steps, sir, I goes, sir,
Till the water it foams round my nose
Then I lets go the ladder and sinks, sir,
While the shrimps and the fish, they disperse
Till I lands on the rocks down below, sir,
And I starts hunting round for that purse!
Then I un-made the oyster-beds, sir,
And I rakes up the shells and the sand,
And after a good half-hour's search, sir,
I found I'd the purse in my hand!
But them eight ten-pound notes, they was gone, sir.
'Twas as empty as empty could be!
But who could have taken 'em out, sir?
In that deep, silent sea!
Then I felt something gripping my shoulder!
As if by a "tec," it was clinched!
I have no doubt you know what I mean, sir
I should say as you'd often been pinched
Then I turns and I sees behind me...
And it made me scream a cuss!
A giant cuttlefish, sir!
What they calls an octopus!
With his eight great arms extended...
And it fairly made me screech...
When I saw he'd a ten-pound note, sir,
Held in the tip of each!
Then he handed me over the notes, sir,
His kindness I couldn't make out!
Then he pulls the cord with one of his arms,
For the boys to haul me out!
Then I handed the lady her money!
And she handed me back a note...
And then I went off in a faint, sir...
While she... she went off in a boat!