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'Arold
by
Stephen Ogier

'Arold were an aardvark
Or at least 'e thought 'e were,
But 'e never were quite certain
Because of all the fur.

You see, 'e'd seen the other aardvarks
Dressed in their birthday suits,
An' so 'e knew that all of 'em
Were as bald as green newts.

It were down by the great river
That 'e'd 'ad the revelation
When 'e saw the others all undressed
An' in the water, bathin'.

An' then, of course, there were the ears
For 'is were really small;
In fact, on lookin' at th' others
Seemed 'e 'ad no ears at all.

Then again, there were their noses
All nice an' long an' stout;
While 'is were really quite petite,
No more than just a snout.

An' when it came to eatin' ants
There were differences of note;
'E never liked the taste of 'em
An' they tickled in 'is throat.

An' while the others 'ad long tails,
Why, 'is were just a stub,
Not much bigger than a bumble bee
Or a large dung beetle grub.

Then one day, near the forest,
'Arold chanced to see
A creature wot looked just like 'im
An' 'Arold jumped wi' glee.

So 'e walked up to the creature
An' 'e asked it wot it were.
It replied, 'Why, I'm a g'rilla.
Can't ye tell by all the fur?'

An' wi' this information
'Arold finally knew
That 'e really weren't an aardvark
But a g'rilla through an' through.
 
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