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ADAM AND EVE
by
Stephen Ogier

Adam was taking a walk round the garden
And his side it was feeling quite sore
It was just as if someone had kicked him
And Adam wasn't quite sure what for.

He walked past the date palms and fig trees,
Past the apple trees all in full bloom
And headed on down to the river
Thinking that God should be there quite soon.

On reaching the bank of the river
He debated, go swimming or not
Although it was still only springtime
He was feeling quite sweaty and hot.

The water was cool and refreshing
And the pain in his side washed away
It was then that Adam decided
That today would be a great day.

From mid-river Adam then noticed
That on riverbank God had arrived
But he seemed to be busy at present
So unhurried, he still swam and dived.

Adam now felt much better and cooler
So at last he headed for land
Where he noticed that God was playing
With a bone and a big pile of sand.

"Morning, God. What you doing?" said Adam
God just smiled, as he does, said, "You'll see.
It won't take very much longer,
Maybe two minutes or three."

Seemed that God was building sand castles
Though in form they were a strange shape
Then God blew them, softly and slowly,
While Adam stood staring, agape.

It didn't take long, just an instant,
And satisfied, God shortly stopped
While Adam looked on in amazement
Little knowing that his jaw had dropped.

God smiled at what he'd created
And said, "Adam, this here is Eve,
She's for you to love and to cherish,
And never to hurt or deceive."

Adam thought, 'Wow, she's drop dead gorgeous,
A buxom, curvaceous brunette.'
Suddenly feeling quite tingly all over,
His palms were beginning to sweat.

God knew just what Adam was thinking,
And he smiled, knowing his job was done.
He said, "Adam, go show Eve the Garden,
See you later, kids. Go and have fun!

"Show Eve all the flora and fauna,
But do not forget what I said,
Don't eat the fruit of the apple trees,
Or you may very well end up dead."

God said, "Adam, I know what you're thinking."
Adam grinned and turned red in the face.
God said, "No need t'be embarrassed,
Now you can start your own race."

God said, "Go and have some adventures.
I'll see you again in a while."
Adam grinned, like a sheepish young school boy
While Eve gave a wink and a smile.

The couple went off into the garden
And God he gave a small sigh
He found something in Eve quite disturbing
But really he wasn't sure why.

Some months later, God was down at the river
And somehow he knew something was wrong
He hadn't seen Adam for a while now
And he'd never been missing so long.

It was just then that out from the bushes
Adam and Eve did appear
Eve, she was looking triumphant;
Adam grinning from ear to ear.

God looked at the pair in amazement
"What's with the fig leaves?" he asked.
"And why such a strong smell of apples?"
"It's the snake's fault," Eve stammered at last.

"The snakes fault?" gasped God, understanding,
"I think that it's you, who's to blame.
From your trickery, lies and deception
You wear fig leaves to hide your shame."

"It was only an apple," said Adam
"The snake said it was good for our health,
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away,
And creates social status and wealth."

"Don't be daft," God said to Adam,
"Social status and wealth don't exist,
And I'll have to expel you from Eden
If with this foolishness you choose to persist.

"I told you to not eat the apples,
So why trust a snake in the grass?"
"You lied to us," Eve interrupted,
Adding, "and Eden's a bit of a farce!"

"Lied to you?" God raged, now angry,
"What did I say that's untrue?"
"You said that the apples would kill us,
But here we are, good as new!"

God couldn't believe what he was hearing,
Why should he try to explain
That death was now as sure as taxes,
Following long years of pain?

"Well, I guess you've both made your choices,
And since you think Eden's a farce
I have no choice, but to expel you,
So now you're out on your arse!"

The couple then left the garden,
God's last word in their ears still rang
And as they crossed the Euphrates
They heard the gates close with a clang.

It was soon after that they discovered
Unlike apples, money don't grow on trees
And they both had to work for a living
Till they were old and full of disease.

They found life on the outside not easy
They'd had family troubles as well
One son was good, but the other
How he'd end up no one could tell.

They still sometimes thought about Eden
And how pride had led them astray
And sometimes regretted their paradise lost
And hoped there'd not be Hell to pay.

In the end, they both died as was foretold
But at least their lesson they'd learned,
An apple a day keeps the doctor away
But trust snakes and you'll surely get burned.

 
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