AUNTIE MARY'S NEW CHAIR
My Aunt had a favourite chair.
It was beige, and was one of a pair.
The seat became baggy.
The back of it saggy.
It had been so for many a year.
Auntie moved to her flat years ago,
One chair, of the pair, had to go.
For space was restricted
One chair was evicted,
Quality not quantity!... you know.
A chair salesman had called in one day,
An amiable fellow called Ray.
I can show you recliners,
Comfy chairs and diners,
You can try them before you need pay.
So, thinking the old chair was past it,
And knowing she'd surely outlast it.
Aunt Mary phoned Ray,
With excitement to say
Can I look at your photos and price list?
Ray jumped up and down with some frolic.
A customer at last, what a tonic!
Most people they try,
But don't want to buy,
But this sale was really ironic.
I have just the right thing for you, Mary,
If the colour you don't want to vary.
It's a beige tinted hue,
I'm sure it will do,
And it comes with a fifteen-year warranty!
The new chair was due on a Tuesday,
For the old chair, it really was blues day
It was sad, it was troubled,
Despair, it had doubled
But it waved from the van on its way.
The new chair came packed in a crate
Aunt Mary, she just couldn't wait!
Foot rest and side wings
And numerous things
The suspense was almost too great!
I'll help you unpack it, said Ray,
Then to show how it works, I will stay.
It's really quite easy,
As easy as peasy,
And a control pad with which you can play
The chair it was big as a throne,
With strategically placed cushions for bones,
Each bit of you padded,
With vibration added.
It lacked only a bar and a phone.
To drive it was simple enough,
Said this salesman with gusto and bluff.
Press this and the feet lift,
And this and the back shifts,
For relaxing this is just the right stuff.
And so when alone she did try
To relax and watch rugby on Sky .
At half time she planned,
To have dinner on hand,
But she slept and forgot 'bout the pie.
The throne could recline like a good un,
With just a press of a button.
The back it did lower,
But had it been slower,
It wouldn't have clipped the sideboard
Now the throne was a masseuse to boot.
Which was really a very good hoot.
Top to toe was its thing,
But it hummed (didn't sing),
'Twas endearing and really quite cute.
To stand up, some help is a must.
It could straighten right up, didn't it just!
It had taken to pitchin,
Right into the kitchen,
When it gave her that last little push
My Aunt has a new favourite chair.
It is beige, but not one of a pair.
It's a throne to be sure.
All ills it can cure.
It will last her for many a year.