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THE FOOLISH VESTAL VIRGIN
by
Stephen Ogier

The virgin trimmed her candle wick
With agitated glee
For she'd just seen Dionysus
Take a surreptitious pee
In the bushes in the corner
Near where she had chanced to be.

She'd never seen a man before
Festooned in all his glory
Though she'd often heard the other girls
Telling a raunchy story
Though in the past she'd always thought
It sounded rather gory.

When Dionysus noticed her
He gave a bleary wink
And made a lewd suggestion
That really made her think
About erotic passions
And coats that's made of mink.

They'd made a vague arrangement
For a meeting after three
When all the other virgins
Would've all gone in for tea
And she hoped that he'd remember
But she'd have to wait and see.

But Dionysus weren't forgetful
When it came to virgin stuff
So very near the golf course
She found him lurking in the rough.
You see, he'd lost his golf balls,
So he didn't have enough.

But she were gravely disappointed
When she began to see
That an invitation to go balling
In the rough at half past three
Did not include activities
That she had hoped there'd be.
 
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