THE FOOLISH VESTAL VIRGIN
by Stephen Ogier The virgin trimmed her candle wick With agitated glee For she'd just seen Dionysus Take a surreptitious pee In the bushes in the corner Near where she had chanced to be. She'd never seen a man before Festooned in all his glory Though she'd often heard the other girls Telling a raunchy story Though in the past she'd always thought It sounded rather gory. When Dionysus noticed her He gave a bleary wink And made a lewd suggestion That really made her think About erotic passions And coats that's made of mink. They'd made a vague arrangement For a meeting after three When all the other virgins Would've all gone in for tea And she hoped that he'd remember But she'd have to wait and see. But Dionysus weren't forgetful When it came to virgin stuff So very near the golf course She found him lurking in the rough. You see, he'd lost his golf balls, So he didn't have enough. But she were gravely disappointed When she began to see That an invitation to go balling In the rough at half past three Did not include activities That she had hoped there'd be.
The end