THE GARDEN OF EDEN
by Ivan Bennett God woke up early one morning And thowt that this couldn't be reet 'Cos He hadn't got round to t'Creation And you couldn't tell t'morning from t'neet Well on that first day He decided That He would create all of the stars The Heavens, the Sun and Moon And Jupiter, Saturn and Mars But the bestest of all His creations Were a planet all pretty in blue It would soon be home to Adam 'n' Eve And their descendents which includes me and you. Now t'Earth were all covered i' darkness And He decided that light He would need For He needed something to see by If He wanted His plan t'succeed So t'next day God said, "Let there be light!" And there was and He saw it were good Though it took a couple o' light bulbs 'Cos first un He tried were a dud. He reckoned He'd keep some o't'darkness To divide t'day in two so He said. Besides which, it'd come in handy To let folks know when to go t' bed! He planted the Garden of Eden, A Paradise right here on Earth, Created Adam from dust in His image, 'Cos God, you see, couldn't give birth. He thowt Adam looked a bit lonely So He decided t'fix 'im up wi' a date And one night as Adam were sleeping Took a rib and made Adam a mate. Eve were the name that God gave her She gave Adam a shy little grin And though they were both in the nuddy It were allreet cos they hadn't no sin. "Make good use of this beautiful garden The veggies and fruits you can take But don't touch that there tree o' knowledge That would be your gravest mistake." God imparted this information And warned them to heed what He'd said "Stay away from the fruit it is bearing If you touch it I'll really see red!" They lived in carefree abandon Their joy knew no bounds in this place They frolicked around in the Garden 'Til one day Owd Nick showed his face. He'd got himself up as a serpent Which is really some kind of a snake He tempted Eve with the fruit of that tree Oh, what a mistake she did make. She tasted the fruit, it were lovely, A fruit that was tasty and sweet She went up to Adam and offered him some By way of some kind of a treat. Adam, the silly, daft bugger, Tried some and it caught in his throat Owd Nick slithered off quickly, Went off somewhere for a sly gloat. When God found out what had 'appened To Adam He created a stink: "Like Gods from now on ye shall be Which isn't as great as you'd think. "You'll be able to tell Good from Evil And when you have kids it'll hurt You can now see that you're in the nuddy And when you die you'll go back to dirt." Adam said, "Cover yerself up girl. Use fig leaves from off of the tree One for me is enough, I think, Eve But I think it's best that you have three!" There's a moral to this 'ere story It's the start of all of our woes Thanks to Adam and Eve and the serpent We're ashamed to go without clothes!
The end