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THE GARDEN OF EDEN
by
Ivan Bennett

God woke up early one morning
And thowt that this couldn't be reet
'Cos He hadn't got round to t'Creation
And you couldn't tell t'morning from t'neet

Well on that first day He decided
That He would create all of the stars
The Heavens, the Sun and Moon
And Jupiter, Saturn and Mars

But the bestest of all His creations
Were a planet all pretty in blue
It would soon be home to Adam 'n' Eve
And their descendents which includes me and you.

Now t'Earth were all covered i' darkness
And He decided that light He would need
For He needed something to see by
If He wanted His plan t'succeed

So t'next day God said, "Let there be light!"
And there was and He saw it were good
Though it took a couple o' light bulbs
'Cos first un He tried were a dud.

He reckoned He'd keep some o't'darkness
To divide t'day in two so He said.
Besides which, it'd come in handy
To let folks know when to go t' bed!

He planted the Garden of Eden,
A Paradise right here on Earth,
Created Adam from dust in His image,
'Cos God, you see, couldn't give birth.

He thowt Adam looked a bit lonely
So He decided t'fix 'im up wi' a date
And one night as Adam were sleeping
Took a rib and made Adam a mate.

Eve were the name that God gave her
She gave Adam a shy little grin
And though they were both in the nuddy
It were allreet cos they hadn't no sin.

"Make good use of this beautiful garden
The veggies and fruits you can take
But don't touch that there tree o' knowledge
That would be your gravest mistake."

God imparted this information
And warned them to heed what He'd said
"Stay away from the fruit it is bearing
If you touch it I'll really see red!"

They lived in carefree abandon
Their joy knew no bounds in this place
They frolicked around in the Garden
'Til one day Owd Nick showed his face.

He'd got himself up as a serpent
Which is really some kind of a snake
He tempted Eve with the fruit of that tree
Oh, what a mistake she did make.

She tasted the fruit, it were lovely,
A fruit that was tasty and sweet
She went up to Adam and offered him some
By way of some kind of a treat.

Adam, the silly, daft bugger,
Tried some and it caught in his throat
Owd Nick slithered off quickly,
Went off somewhere for a sly gloat.

When God found out what had 'appened
To Adam He created a stink:
"Like Gods from now on ye shall be
Which isn't as great as you'd think.

"You'll be able to tell Good from Evil
And when you have kids it'll hurt
You can now see that you're in the nuddy
And when you die you'll go back to dirt."

Adam said, "Cover yerself up girl.
Use fig leaves from off of the tree
One for me is enough, I think, Eve
But I think it's best that you have three!"

There's a moral to this 'ere story
It's the start of all of our woes
Thanks to Adam and Eve and the serpent
We're ashamed to go without clothes!

 
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