A MATTER OF FACTORY
by
Monty Wells

The other week I felt so rough
So I took to my bed
And to my consternation found
All my books I'd read

I'd scanned the daily papers
Absorbing all the news
And so I looked around me
For something to peruse

I glanced among the phone books
Then the 'Trades Directory'
And that is how I came to find
Industries new to me.

There's a pit prop firm in Shoreham
To believe it I found hard
And there's a burnt toast factory
In a place called Chard

A forged paintings place in Fakenham
A snooker hall in Poole
Would you believe in Andover
A tax collectors school ?

There's an astute Texan gentleman
You can't call him a slouch
Making cattle branding irons
In, yes, Burnham-on-Crouch

A Flirting Club in Chatham
And (This might sound bizarre)
A ceramics firm sells booze as well
Out there in Potters Bar

Some old dears in Patcham
Look for clothes to mend
Sadly, a philosophers graveyard
Down at Ponders End

They make 'creepie's' out in Crawley
And (This one made me frown)
A Humphrey Bogart hat factory
Near Enfield in Brimsdown.