ROMAN AND THE QUEEN
by Stephen Ogier Well, the Queen she said to Roman Over a nice little cup of tea, "I 'ear you've bought a football club; Let's see, that's right, Chelsea!" Now Roman, 'e's a Russian chap, Not Italian at all, Just smiled and took a dainty sip, Said, "Aye, I like football. "A man should 'ave an 'obby, An' it gets me out the 'ouse So's I don't get into trouble With me mistress or the spouse. "In fact, I'd recommend it For a person such as you; An' I could show you all the ropes So's you don't get in a stew." Well, Liz, she kind of chuckled As she conjured up the scene Of 'er visits to the changing room To congratulate 'er team. An' so she asked the Russian gent To keep 'is ear to the ground For any team as was goin' cheap That might like to be crowned. As luck would 'ave it, Roman 'Ad just that morning 'eard That Arsenal was up for grabs. Thought 'e'd put in a word. Now Liz, she fairly spluttered And almost dropped 'er tea "Oh no!" she said. "It just won't do For someone such as me! "Why can't I buy the Mayfair team Or Knightsbridge or Whitehall? A Queen just can't stay dignified When she's shouting "Arse-an-all."
The end