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ROMAN AND THE QUEEN
by
Stephen Ogier

Well, the Queen she said to Roman
Over a nice little cup of tea,
"I 'ear you've bought a football club;
Let's see, that's right, Chelsea!"

Now Roman, 'e's a Russian chap,
Not Italian at all,
Just smiled and took a dainty sip,
Said, "Aye, I like football.

"A man should 'ave an 'obby,
An' it gets me out the 'ouse
So's I don't get into trouble
With me mistress or the spouse.

"In fact, I'd recommend it
For a person such as you;
An' I could show you all the ropes
So's you don't get in a stew."

Well, Liz, she kind of chuckled
As she conjured up the scene
Of 'er visits to the changing room
To congratulate 'er team.

An' so she asked the Russian gent
To keep 'is ear to the ground
For any team as was goin' cheap
That might like to be crowned.

As luck would 'ave it, Roman
'Ad just that morning 'eard
That Arsenal was up for grabs.
Thought 'e'd put in a word.

Now Liz, she fairly spluttered
And almost dropped 'er tea
"Oh no!" she said. "It just won't do
For someone such as me!

"Why can't I buy the Mayfair team
Or Knightsbridge or Whitehall?
A Queen just can't stay dignified
When she's shouting "Arse-an-all."

 
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