The stage was set, the lights were dimmed, the music softly played;
(He'd chosen - from 'The Student Prince' - the famous, 'Serenade').
He knew that he was handsome, like a younger Robert Redford,
And, thanks to elocution, none would guess he came from Bedford.
His aftershave was Pierre Balmain, his clothes by top designers;
The glass was Stuart crystal, and the cutlery was Viners.
The candles on the table glowed, the wine uncorked and ready;
A connoisseur's delight it was - a claret full and heady.
And then at last he heard it - what he'd long been waiting for,
Selina's husky voice, and then a knocking on the door.
Selina was a model, blonde and tanned and fit and healthy
(And, as an added bonus, both her mum and dad were wealty).
A veritable goddess, she deserved a whole lot more
Than basic, blokey lustfulness, resulting in 'a score'.
He wined and dined and feted her; Selina was impressed;
He saw it leading to the point where they would both divest.
He gazed into her lovely eyes, his ardour growing strong;
She whispered 'Wait for me, big boy - I won't be gone for long.'
She glided to the bathroom to renew her Miss Dior,
Then, coming back, she dropped her lacy panties on the floor.
And, tossing back her hair, she slithered from her silky dress.
He stood awhile in wonder at Selina's loveliness.
Then raffishly removed his clothes, and clocked her satisfaction
(He knew the moves because he'd watched the Chippendales in action).
He kept it cool and nonchalant (which women find attractive),
Although his heart was pounding and his nether part was active.
'I must perpetuate the myth I'm charming and well-bred
Before I get to lay the lady on my big brass bed'
So, nakedly magnificent, his soul ablaze with passion,
He led her to the cocktail bar in gentlemanly fashion.
'Let's not rush into anything,' he told her with a wink,
Perhaps it might be civilised if first we had a drink?'
She giggled as he handed her a vodka on the rocks
And then - oh God! - he realised...
He still had on his socks!!!